Imagine there’s no heaven, it’s easy if you try. No hell below us. Above us only sky ♫ - John Lennon | Imagine
leave your fears behind
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theme by heloteixeira
This film and song never fails to amaze me. Definitely one of the greatest films I’ve ever seen.
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Everyone seems to be busy with their own lives but here I am, finding myself stuck in a familiar place I’m sure I’ve been before. This is whole situation is a bit confusing to me. When I’m not there, they question my absence, but when I am there, they ignore my presence. Isn’t that ironic? Perhaps Ate Dyan was right after all – I really do need to leave some time for myself. I give everything I have that I’m left with nothing at the end. I promise that after this day, I will give myself more time to do the things I’ve always wanted to do. This is well-deserved after all.
My mother grew up in Philippines; she lived in extreme poverty. They were seven in the family, and being the oldest, my mom strived to get an education to better the lives of her family. She shared that during her childhood she would walk a two mile stretch to reach her school because she wanted to save the little money that she had for food, which can only afford a banana cue. My mom endured all the pain and difficulty of leaving us in such a young age to work abroad and shape a better tomorrow for us. I saw my mom’s perseverance, and now that she’s successful, she provides us with our wants and needs, even sometimes forgetting herself in the process. Above all, she encourages us to get a good education, and be the crazy person that she wanted to be. Oh, I’m crazy enough, haha :) I thank you mom – for your unconditional love, for every sacrifice that you’ve done for us, for being our best friend/sister/brother/father, for your warm hugs and comfort during stormy days, for still checking up on me in the middle of night, for still letting me sleep with you, for trusting and supporting me in any decision that I make, for the laughter that you bring to my life every day, for teaching me these valuable life lessons, for continually loving me after failures and disappointments, and for just the every little thing you do for us. I will continue to make you proud, and even if you aged, I will still be there – loving and taking care of you.
Far Away
I want to live somewhere south – North or South Carolina perhaps. Oh, I’ve reading or obsessing with Nicholas Sparks’ books lately and this is the end result. There’s just something about the people, small town, tranquility, and beauty of the place that attracts me the most. I find myself starting a family and raising my kids in a place like North Carolina. Considering that I’ve lived in Rapid City before and now living in a small town in Sacramento, I’m not so used to the city anymore – the crowd, traffic, influences, and just the craziness of it. I guess I’ll have to wait and see what the future holds for me, but if I don’t happen to live in North Carolina, then I’ll just fulfill my dreams by buying a house there! :P
Monday, April 16, 2012
Looking back to these entries, I was definitely in one of the darkest moments of my life, but within those dark moments, I was still able to laugh, cry, and make wonderful memories with my loved ones. They become my source of light under that dark tunnel, and their love was what kept me going through the times of hardships – moments when I literally wanted to give up on everything, but God intended to have me face this journey alone because even in those moments of darkness, none of my friends or family was able to save me. Not even a single person was able to make a difference. I still appreciated the love and support that my family and friends has given me. Though most of them lack the knowledge and experience of what I’m going through, I’m still blessed to have them all by my side throughout this experience. All I know is: I just needed to do this alone like how one’s daughter needs to experience pain and failure in her life, so she’ll learn how to be strong and independent. It was something like that. Am I still making sense? Sometimes, even if I want to explain all of these emotions or feelings to someone, I find it so tiring to do so because I feel like no one will ever understand what I’m going through but I know someone out there will. Haha. I bet that if we all understand each other’s situations and feelings, then the world will be a better place. It just takes someone to listen and understand for it to happen….
Friday, April 13, 2012
I’ve had this story in my head for quite some time now, and every time I play this story in my head, it never fails to break my heart into pieces. A love story between two young adults, and the sacrifices they’re willing to take, at such a young age, for each other. She found out she was pregnant, and she was happy for this blessing, but he, on the other hand, was blessed with an opportunity that comes once in a lifetime, so she left him because she loved him so much that she’s willing to give up her future for him. The story continues with her depression, struggles as a young parent, and seeing him after five years, when he’s about to get married. For someone so young to take those risks and sacrifices, wouldn’t their love be considered true and powerful? There are only a few that makes those decision in this world, but for those who can relate to this story, I ask for your patient (and I guess guidance too). I’ve been itching to write, so maybe I’ll start writing, but I’ve never been good with endings.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Oh, Penelope. Today’s lunch was definitely one of the best, yet emotional lunches I’ve had in years. The conversation started with the awkward relationship of *beep* and Penelope but towards the end, the conversation developed deeper and emotional that it left both us crying. I would’ve never expected that Penelope’s brittle heart holds the feelings of sadness, insecurities, and loneliness, so I vow to be a friend for her and be an outlet of communication (craziness, wildness, and fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuun!) for her. Oh Aileen, you’re going to be busy this month, but seeing their genuine smiles are more than enough for this to be worth it.
Back To December
I’m currently listening to Taylor Swift’s Back To December, and I can’t help but relate this song to Rapid City – the memories, the people, and even the climate. A year has already passed by since I’ve departed that little remote town, and everything has changed since then. I wonder how my friends (or should I acquaintances?) are doing now; I wonder if they still remember me, or even think of me. The only possible way to reconnect with them is through our shared memories, which I hold very dearly in my heart. I have to say, I’m contented that I’m able to smile, laugh, and even cry whenever I look back to a certain memory.
